For Sadie

I was all set to post some new pictures of my quick, little trip to St. George last week; but then an unimaginable, traumatic, freakish accident (I don't even know if accident is quite the right word to use) happened yesterday afternoon and I feel inclined to document some random thoughts.

Where there was once a mat, water and food bowl....

Where leashes once hung....

There is no more.....

It's a very strange and heartbreaking feeling to loose your pet.

(those of you who have experienced, know what I'm talking about, those who are not pet owners, will never know the feeling)

And it's an even weirder situation and feeling of emptiness to suddenly not have them around. To not have them greet you when you walk in the door, to not be there to lick up any crumbs or scraps of food you might drop, to not follow you around and always seem to be in the way, to not alert you that someone is at the door. All the little things that you never realized you came to expect and maybe even got annoyed with- are now not going to be there and I'm truly upset about it.
Sadie was seriously such a good dog. She rarely barked, was playful, loved to cuddle and be where ever you were, if there were several at home, she'd typically split the distance and be in between us. Although never a great on-leash walker, she loved to go for walks, and run around and chase her ball- which tragically was exactly what she was doing when the "accident" occurred.
Yesterday was just like any typically Monday. I went to work, came home and Jen dropped off the boys (I've been watching them, while she goes to school until Ben is off) and of course Austin wanted to go outside. So my dad took Austin out in the backyard to throw the ball for Sadie and I stayed inside while Spencer was sleeping. It hadn't been more than 10 mins and I hear my dad yell for me so I run outside to see to most heartbreaking scene. Sadie is using her front legs to try to move as her lower body/back legs are limp, dragging to the side, behind her. The next few minutes are somewhat of a blur and happened so fast. I remember squatting down in front of Sadie, holding/petting her head trying to keep her from moving as my dad took Austin inside and went to get Jon. In an instance my dad swept her up and he and Jon took off for the vets, not knowing what had happened to cause this condition for Sadie. The next half hour went by so quick, I played with the boys and Ben came and got them and then once they left it was agonizing waiting for Jon and my dad to come home. As soon as I heard them pull up I ran down to meet them and in Jon's hand was Sadie's collar and they both were just shaking their heads. It took all of my will power to hold back tears.

Turns out that Sadie had snapped her back bone and was paralyzed and the doctor said there was really not any use in trying anything extreme to prolong her life. My dad said that once the doctor saw the x-rays that she just kept saying over and over how horrible this situation was and how almost freaky of an accident it was. Really? You're telling the man that just witnessed this traumatic accident and then watch his pet trying to drag her limp body across the yard, just how horrible it is??! Somehow it doesn't quite come close to expressing the reality of the situation. I'm sure that image will be etched in my poor dads memory forever, because I know just seeing her try to move 2 feet on the patio was traumatic enough to be ingrained in my mind.

How does a dog snaps their back bone merely by running and jumping to catch a ball?? Maybe if the scenario made more logical sense it wouldn't be so hard to grasp. One minute she's running around and the next, she's paralyzed with no understandable explanation to why and there's nothing that can be done?! And what's worse (for me) is that I feel so bad that I wasn't there, and although, I know that I would have been a wreck, it's hard to think that no one was with her at the very end. Jon and my dad both agreed they couldn't be in the room when they put her down, and I know I couldn't have either, but it's still sad to think she was left there by herself. No one to sit there with her and pet her and tell her what a great dog she was and how much she'll be missed. (Am I being overly dramatic?) I guess it's just one thing, to know your dog is getting old or sick and you have time to prepare to say goodbye, like we did with our last dog, Snoopy; but with this, it was so unexpected, so sudden and so tragic. She was only 7!

She will surely be missed and can never be replaced, that's for sure. I was trying to find a picture of her and this is one of only a few I have- it's from a few years back, but I thought it portrayed her perfectly: content to just be in the middle of us all.